Am I more like my father or my mother? In what ways?

Well…during the course of my life, I have very much come to the conclusion that I am a lot of both. I have been able to identify my Dad and My Mom in myself. My face, my body, my hands, my smile, my gestures, but above all, in the way I do things, in the way I react to external issues, in my character, or the lack of it. It is not that I try to copy them. No. It is just that I am just being myself and then, all of sudden, my Dad or Mom comes to my mind as I see them present in me. So, it is quite a mixture, quite a ‘DNA cocktail’ that ends up being who I am, with a distinct identity of my own.

It is just me being me.

Yes. I can say I am a lot of my Dad, my Viejo Don Rafael Angel Echeverria Garcia, always so proud of our Basque origin, of the proud inheritance of our family name ‘Echeverria’. I could say that my life has been – no doubt about it - greatly influenced by that pride I inherited from my Dad. And that family pride has very much reflected in my daily life. In the way, I address my living issues, my problems, my situations, my thoughts, living philosophy, and attitudes. I admit that, in that sense, I have very much harmed myself, and most surely others, with my explosions of character – of which I have learned that it is not equivalent to ‘strength of character’, but quite on the contrary it reveals the internal weakness of allowing yourself to be dominated by emotions. I have then learned that ‘emotions are ok’ but being emotional is a completely different story. Of course, we can be emotional and express our feelings, and laugh loudly, cry our sadness, or scream our happiness. But it all comes to be acceptable under a certain degree of control. Do not get yourself to be ‘carried away’. You can go with the flow of your emotions, have a good ride, but do not let yourself be taken off course, and then behave stupidly. Realizing all that as a very strong influence from my Dad, I believe has been the most important feature of my permanent facial expression, which seems rather ‘hard’. Not a smiley face but a rather tough one.

My Mom Maria Auxiliadora Gonzalez - ‘Marucha’ as everyone called her since childhood - gave me her smile and important facial and body expressions that all those, in my family around me, have identified. ‘You laugh just like Marucha”. And the explosive character, as I have explained, does not only come from my Dad. My Mom, and the Gonzalez Family, have always been known as so noisy and quarrel ready type of attitude at all times. But my Mom, in particular, was – at important times of family life – incredibly reflexive. Much more so than Dad at times. I believe I did inherit some of that reflexive perspective towards life.

I thank God for that.

So, I am quite a mixture. Quite a cocktail. A very explosive one I would say. In general, I could recognize that the most distinct feature of my character is being an incurable dreamer. That comes from Dad. Mom was more of a down to earth type. As a result of that mixture, and adding all of my own details that have built up my personality, have built up what I could consider the most distinct aspect of my personality, which is being openly eloquent in the way I talk. I am descriptive and deep. Many have identified in me, that apparently unconscious quality of building up phrases to a degree of perfection. This has happened to me at all levels of my life. Family, friends, and in my professional practice as an attorney. When I talk on the phone, many have asked me “Are reading a text of what you are telling me?” . When my obvious ‘no’ response comes, then I have received comments like “you speak with such clarity of ideas, and order in your thoughts, that it is hard to believe that it comes out of you without reading a prepared text”.

So, I seem to be – or have been recognized as – a good speaker. So, even though that was certainly not a quality of either my Dad or Mom, I realize that both of them contributed, in their own marvelous way, with transmitting to me the basics of such a wonderful talent, that is, of being able to transmit my ideas fluently as to always contribute to a constructive conversation. My children always make funny remarks about t he way I talk to them at times, when I am describing ideas or trying to explain issues making sure they understand, I start moving object around on the table or desk I may have in front of me. And they laugh their guts out. It is my mental scheme trying to order ideas as they are being processed in my brain before they come out of my mouth. And then, I suddenly travel back in time to my childhood or teenager years and I can see my Dad, n front of his desk, talking my Mom, moving object around as if he were ordering stuff, that was already perfectly in place, but just move them around in some sort of ‘talking ritual’. At those magic moments, I cannot avoid smiling while ‘seeing’ my Dad moving stuff around.

And I thank God for that.

While thinking about what marks Dan or Mom left on me, my body, my soul, I cannot avoid thinking about what marks – of all the ones inherited shall I transmit to my children with the cocktail I have prepared with Norma. Well, the most distinctive facial and evident mar is my forehead, which seems to be the factory mark of the Echeverria’s. All my three other brothers have also inherited it, and I laugh out loud when sharing with all my children how their foreheads have been so perfectly crafted by God himself, and I cannot avoid feeling totally amazed to see the distinctive factory mark on their faces and how has been passed on to my grandchildren? Now… that is the Don Rafael Echeverria’s mark at its best !!!

But in my children, the roughness of the explosive character of the Echeverria-Gonzalez cocktail has been neutralized and compensated, in perfect balance, with the Villalobos-Farias graceful potion which is Norma’s divine contribution to the wonderful result that are our children and grandchildren, And they have ALL built up their own personalities.

Our DNA cocktail is just the basics.

So, I am not more like my Dad or Mom. I am quite a balanced result. But I do admit that very distinct features of my Dad and Mom, have been engraved in my being and make me remember them all the time.

And once again … I thank God for that!

Ralph Echeverria

October 10. 2020